Sleeping with a partner can be immensely frustrating, especially when you are grappling with a sleep disorder of some kind.
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How to Sleep Better with a Partner?
The first step towards resolving a sleep problem with your partner is admitting that there is a sleep problem and that both of you need to work together in an attempt to try and confront that sleep problem. Consider the three “Cs” Compatibility, Consideration, and Compromise you are then headed towards “better sleep together”.
There are many reasons why partners are not able to sleep better together and most of them actually center around compatibility or the lack thereof.
Since compatibility is often viewed as being essential to a successful relationship, many couples do not like to admit that there are elements to their relationships that are not in sync.
Sleep Better with Your Partner by Talking About It
Before you can guarantee a better night’s sleep, you and your partner need to have the conversation. Sometimes you are just too embarrassed to have that conversation because you do not want to admit that you might somehow be the weak link in this relationship.
Sometimes the source of that embarrassment is the nature of the problem that is preventing both of you from having a quality night of sleep. Sometimes you just do not know how to describe that problem to your partner.
Sometimes, speaking to a health professional can present a meaningful solution to your problem but partners – or sometimes just the one partner – do not feel it appropriate to discuss matters of the bedroom in front of a complete stranger and avoid seeking that help altogether.
Whatever the issue, partners who want to sleep better often seem to find a way to avoid talking about the subject altogether, especially when the solution does not necessarily require any element of rocket science. It seldom does.
Reasons You Are Not Sleeping Better with Your Partner
Your Partner Snores
The first one is more common than people imagine, which is probably why sleep partners take so long to address it adequately.
A significant portion of the adult population snores. Some experts believe that 40 percent of adult men snore, while 24 percent of women snore, as a habit.
Those numbers alone suggest there is a stigma attached to snoring. “How can it be that my partner is one of just 24 percent of women on the planet who are habitual snorers?” you might ask.
So, either because you do not want to believe it or because you are too scared to embarrass her, you fail to broach the subject and allow your relationship to suffer because of it.
As a result, you end up not sleeping better. So, do yourself a favor and talk about it.
Once you have crossed that barrier, approach one of the many experts available online – or in your community – who can help you with a treatment for snoring.
Your Partner Prefers Warm Room Temperature
This one is particularly serious because all of the experts, including the National Sleep Foundation, will tell you that it is easier to have a quality sleep when it is cool in the bedroom.
The consensus is that the warmer it is, the longer it takes to sleep. The longer it takes for you to fall asleep, the less time you have to actually sleep. The results of that are obvious.
If you want to sleep better, you need to let your partner know that the temperature he/she prefers is just too hot and not conducive to quality sleep. Too many people prefer to suffer in silence and not rock the boat over something which is seemingly innocuous.
The solution to the problem is also straightforward. Turn the room temperature down or buy your partner an extra blanket. None of that will happen if you do not have the conversation though.
Relationships are all about compromise and this would be one of those compromises. One that is not actually that difficult to make.
Your Partner Has a Different Sleep Schedule
This can be a very difficult one to resolve, as some external forces can have a significant impact on your sleep schedule. Something seemingly as innocuous as the nature of the work you do can have a tremendous impact.
Your partner could come back from work and regularly feel substantially more exhausted or even less exhausted than you. That is something that could knock your sleep plans completely off-kilter.
Sometimes your partner might need to wake up earlier than you to get to work, which then disrupts your sleep patterns. On other occasions, it is just a matter of preference.
Whatever the reason, a certain level of compromise will need to be found to help a partner sleep better. That often hinges on both of you acknowledging that a different sleep schedule presents a problem and subsequently talking about the problem that it presents.
Sleep expert, Dr. Michael Breus, actually states the obvious here. Sometimes all there really needs to be is a little consideration. If you are the partner who sleeps later than the other, avoid doing things that will keep the other partner awake.
If you are the partner who regularly wakes up earlier, then it would be prudent to avoid doing things in the morning, that will wake the late sleeper up.
Your Partner Is Working Late and Needs the Light On
This is your classic case of doing something that will keep the early sleeping partner awake. If you need to work late or read something before you go to bed, do it in another room.
When you are done, do not make a huge announcement when the time has come to finally hit the sack, as this would wake your partner up too.
On countless occasions in this blog, we have gone on about the importance that darkness plays in assisting with your sleep patterns. The absence of light almost always signals to your body that the time has come to sleep.
If your partner needs to sleep better, do him/her a favor and keep the lights off. If you have to be in bed while doing this very important work, then at the very least, you could buy your partner an eye mask.
As a recipient of the eye mask, maybe it is also in your best interest to accept that this is an act of compromise and ignore the fact that it can be a little uncomfortable to wear one of those masks.
If the mask is too much, then it is also in your best interest to let your partner know about it and do not stay silent on the matter.
Sleep Better with Your Partner by Consulting a Mattress Expert
Sometimes partners resort to sleeping in two separate beds, for any number of reasons.
Sometimes one partner likes a soft mattress, while some partners like a firmer mattress.
Sometimes, the mattress is made in such a way that it does not take into account that the movements of one partner will affect the other while asleep.
Because partners do not want to talk about these matters and prefer to suffer in silence, they probably never end up knowing that there are mattress experts available with meaningful solutions to their sleep problems.
I have a mattress that allows one person to move and the other person does not feel it at all!
There are mattress experts all over the Internet and in your communities who can and probably will help find the right mattress for both of you.
Couples Sleeping Together – Video
As we have discovered above if you can approach the following three “C’s” together you are well on the way to achieving the best sleep you can possibly get when sleeping with a partner.
- Compatability – identify your partner’s sleep compatibility with yours!
- Consideration – if both partners need to actively practice consideration!
- Compromise – two people need to compromise in all aspects of a relationship including – SLEEP!
I guarantee that once you and your partner are together for a while you will become like all other couples and your sleep practices will become dinner party conversation!
As always here’s to better sleep!